Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Hiking and Epic Falls

This weekend dear old mumsy and I went hiking. The weather was high and fair, the sky high and blue, the, err, uh, football scores low and dreary....errr...well, enough with that. You get the point!

Here's a pic of where we went a-walking:

And another...

I even found a rattlesnake skin long enough to make me leave that part of the trail, but the photo didn't come out at all.

And then right about here,

Mom slipped and busted her ass.

*evil chuckle*

There we were, walking along, right as rain, and I hear one of those telltale suprise "Ooooof!" noises, and turn just in time to see poor mama slide gracefully into a sitting position. "Ooooof!" That's all.  And the surprise face, followed by a grimace.  It really was graceful; I mean, she just kinda melted like butter down a slide in summer. Which, considering how we were on a hill covered in boulders which were in turn covered with leaves, was quite a feat.


Apparently, she now has a bruise that's colored the exact tones of those neon cap erasers you can buy in the school supplies sections of stores. One of the more pointy, baby boulders jumped up and bit her in the bum as she fell. Neon pink, lime green, violet ... guess she's got a whole rainbow thing going on there.

Well, it's genetic.

I have been told I'm endearingly clumsy, whatever the hell that means. I'm always the one tripping up stairs or whacking my hip on invisible counters and whatnot--but I really only have one BIG clumsy-girl, epic fall moment once a year. I'm bendy, so I can twist my way out of a lot of potentially awful situations...errr, most of the time.

This evening? Fat chance.

There I am, sitting with my legs tucked up under me. It's after supper; I've relaxed a bit, and now it's time to get back to work, right?


Try, "now it's time to get a random-but-fully-formed-side-butt-charlie-horse the exact moment  you attempt to stand."

That's right, it was time for my very own "Ooooof" moment. My epic fall moment. No, I do not have pictures. Thank gawd.

Anyway, I fell right over (or rather, left over, in this case), like a tree, straight and everything. Happily I missed the couch and what would have no doubt turned into a ricochet effect, but that meant I fell splat onto the wood floor. The dog came over, slobbery and worried. I heard voices. I tried to say "My butt, it's just my butt, I'll be alright, it's just my butt."

But what came out was "My-my-my-my-my-my-me-me-me-me-me" and then "bu-bu-bu-ah-hahh-hahhh-hahhh!" (read twitchy laughter) and then I repeated that exact sequence about eight or nine times.

My side-butt muscle (whatever do you call that, anyway???) was twitching so hard I couldn't form proper words, as it was too distracting, and I realized through my blubbering that it sounded vaguely like "Mommy mommy mommy mommy," which is just ridiculous for a woman my age to be quibbling, which got me tickled at how I must have looked, this full grown woman, stick straight on the floor, clutching her twitching bum in her hands while she mumble-cried for her mommy, and then I REALLY couldn't talk, because I was laughing so hard, and my butt was still twitching, and the dog was still worried and slobbery, and the voices were still concerned, and I still couldn't move, let alone get off the floor. The whole episode took like half and hour of my life. Go figure.

Long story short, don't laugh at your mom when she busts it, 'cuz you're bound to go next.

Karma, genentics, whatever you want to call it ... guess I was due for my yearly epic fall. Last year's epic fall involved me shooting sock-footed horizontally some ten feet across a kitchen floor, brandishing a holiday serving platter, into a rolling cabinet, where I stubbed all but two of my toes (the pinkies), lost one big toenail, bruised my bum and an elbow, got a lump (a little one though) on my head, and didn't spill a drop of gravy.

Yeeeah ... and you know what? I'm the "graceful" one of the family.


  1. Wow. You surely know how to celebrate the season. You know...Fall?